How To Get A Reference From Me
Are you a Mistress or Provider seeking a reference from me about a client? Here's what you need to know to make it happen! :)
As you can imagine being in this industry since 2008 I have seen hundreds and hundreds of subs over the years so I have protocols in place for references. Many newer Ladies in the industry do not know how to properly go about getting a reference so I've made a handy check list. Before contacting a Mistress (myself or anyone else) for a reference, make sure the following is in place.
Firstly, I inform my subs to follow this PROTOCOL when using my name as a reference. But not every Mistress reminds her subs to do this and not every sub will remember. With that said, what you need to do on your part is:
1). Check with the sub that they contacted the Mistress first to give her permission to give you reference.
For some silly reason, people think subs need to ask permission from their previous Mistress to use her name as a reference when it should be the other way around: subs should be the ones giving us permission to release information about them. Unless someone were to pose as a dangerous threat, I do not release information about anyone at any time unless they have given me explicit consent to do so and have named the Lady who that information is to be given to. If I have not been given this permission, I do not reply to inquiries.
2). Remind the sub that they need to use the same name and email address when they booked with me.
After all, it is the duty of the sub to provide the correct information the first time, not the Mistresses to waste 10 back and forth emails playing detective together trying figure out who John Smith / JohnSmith123@email.com is when I only ever knew him as Jay Smith / JaySmith456@SomeOtherDomain.com (or Sissy Tiffany is now Sissy Jessica). You get the picture- names (and emails) change.
Also, I book only via email. If you just send me a phone number, unfortunately I won't be able to help you.
3). If a sub uses my name as a "reference" yet they tell you not to contact me, it could be because:
a). They saw me such a long time ago, that I won't remember.
Or maybe it's because:
b). They saw me last month and weren't someone I'd see again and are afraid I'll give them a bad reference.
But most likely it's because:
c). They never saw me at all. Yes really, many subs have lied claiming they have seen me before, but never have. Early in my career, once a sub said he had "seen Mistress So & So" who happened to be a friend of mine. I asked her about him and she had no records. I mentioned this to him and he said, "Oh, I just meant I saw photos of her." *facepalm*
If you find yourself in this situation, you should ask the sub to provide a name of someone who can give a reference or just treat them as a first timer and employ your usual screening methods. This may sound like common sense, but you'd be surprised at how many Dommes (both new and seasoned) will keep repeatedly asking me if I'm "sure" that I never saw John Smith. (I once did this to another Mistress years ago and later felt really dumb.) Learn from my mistake and don't be like that Karen at the store who repeatedly asks salespeople to check in the back for inventory.
4). Since my previous subs are required to give me permission before giving references for them, most of them have been very good boys (if they've been bad, they're usually smart enough not to use my name as a reference). If they've been well-behaved, the only info I give is that they were a delight and I would absolutely see them again. Most Mistresses or Providers share information in the same way. Do not ask for additional information such as what happened in the session. It's rude. If subs feel like sharing those details with you, that is up to them.
5). If a Mistress gives you a negative reference for someone, 1). accept the bad news, 2). keep it to yourself, 3). move on. I know it's disappointing to hear a bad review and your first impulse may be to pester the Mistress for more details in hopes it's not "that bad" so you can still get the session. If she feels like sharing, she will, but if the Lady you are asking doesn't know you well (or at all), she may not feel comfortable telling you why she won't see John Smith again. Or she may not feel she can trust you, a complete stranger, to keep that information to yourself and just wishes to avoid drama with that sub. The best thing for you to not do the session to stay safe or avoid a huge headache. Some Ladies choose not to respond feeling they don't owe anyone anything and don't wish to cause drama. Others feel compelled to reply with an excuse such as being booked. When in doubt, ask your mentor for guidance.
Lastly, do remember that different Ladies bring out different facets in different people. I can only vouch for my own positive experience with someone. Your mileage may vary.
To request a reference, use this